Thursday, March 26, 2009

Soccer time, soccer time ...

I cannot believe it's once again soccer time! Since this is Bailey's 10th (no that's not a typo, lol!) season, this is not new to us. However, we do have a "first" this time around. Braeden finally gets to play!! He has been watching Boo play his whole life, so I'm sure all of you can imagine his excitement. :)

He had his first practice the other day and even though we forgot our camera (yeah, yeah - stellar parenting, I know), I was able to snap a few shots with my phone. So enjoy these shots of Braeden on the soccer field for the first time!

Oh...I will post some pics from both of their first games as soon as they play!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

So being a grown-up sucks....

When I was little, I would always think about what it would be like when I was a grown-up. I may not have known what I was going to do, but I always thought I knew what I was NOT going to do. I was not going to have rules that I had to follow (because afterall, grown-ups get to do whatever they want), I was not going to have to worry about not being able to buy stuff (because apparently when you grow up, money just falls in your lap) and I was not going to tell my kids "because I said so."

Not surprisingly, finally being a "grown-up" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I have done, many times over, all the things I said I wouldn't do. Besides having to hold a job, pay bills, make huge life decisions and try to raise a family, being a grown-up means you have to deal with things in life that you may not have dealt with as a child. Or if you did have to deal with it, it was just different.

I lost my grandmother when I was 8 or 9. It was sad, but as a child, I was not expected to handle it a certain way. I could cry if I wanted to, or I could simply act like it didn't affect me at all. I was also not expected to realize the finality of death. As a child, I was told that I would see my grandmother again one day and that she would be there watching over us. It wasn't until I was much older and enough time had passed that it didn't hurt as bad anymore, that I was able to really grasp what it meant to have to let a loved one go.

As I continued to get older, I lost some more people in my life. To be perfectly honest, while those other losses were sad, I wasn't as close to any of those people as I would have liked to have been. Until recently, I think the hardest loss in my life was the lost of my sister in law.

That changed on March 13, 2009. That night I lost my grandfather. Not only did I lose him, but I was with him when he breathed for the last time. I have always been close to my grandparents and have even lived right next door to them for the last 8 years. He had been sick, but it doesn't make that loss any easier. If I were still 9 years old, I could just kinda go about things and not really have to act or feel a certain way. I'm not 9 though and that sucks. Now, instead of worrying how I'm handling this loss, I have to worry about how my kids are handling it. It's a weird feeling to sit and tell my 9 year old all those things that were said to me so long ago when I was 9. I tell him that he will see his Papa again one day and that he will watch over us. I tell him that it's ok to cry and it's ok not to cry. I tell him that it's better that he's not suffering or sick anymore.

I tell Bailey all of those things and yet inside, I'm not listening to any of that. Inside, I'm numb. I'm so, so sad. I'm angry. I'm regretful. And I'm even a little thankful. I'm all of those things and I don't know what to do with any of that. I haven't started grieving yet. I can't. Right now, I have to be strong for my boys and for my grandmother. Right now, I have to make sure everyone else is alright and right now, that little selfish part of me that longs to be 9 again hates that.

I guess that's why I'm typing this now. Maybe I'm just trying to let it out. I don't know if it will help me, but I don't suppose it will hurt me, huh?

My grandfather was a man who was loved by many and he was a man who was not loved by some. Through no fault of my own, he was the only grandfather I ever really knew. So regardless of how anyone else felt about him, I loved him. I know that my kids and I will miss him greatly.

Goodbye, Papa.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

It's been a while...

It's been a long while, hasn't it? Well I spent the last 6 weeks or so doing the tax thing. It's nice to earn extra money and all, but this year it pretty much sucked!! I worked anywhere from 60-70 hours a week. Now remember...I am a sloth-like stay at home mom. Those hours were rough. And they were stressful. Ugh.... oh well... at least I'm just about done for the year. :-)

Last year, I had lots of complaints and annoyances regarding the tax clients. I didn't see so many clients this year, as my job responsibilities were different. I did however, get the same question asked over and over again:

"When am I gonna get the new stimulus (pronounced stim-uh-lus, not stim-YOU-lus) payment that Obama done give us?"

Well, my answer to that is simple. "You will get that in the mail, right about the same time you get the check you think he's going to write for your house payment."

Duh. Sigh.

In other news, life is good for us. Walter is busy working and the boys have been the boys. :) Bailey had his cub scout pinewood derby this past weekend and he had a good time. I will post some pics, just as soon as I thieve some from Tracy. ;-)

Trying to get the house in order...spring cleaning and all. Signed both, yes BOTH of the boys up for soccer. This will be Bailey's 10th season and Braeden's 1st! Yay!

Hope all is well with the ones we love and miss!!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Wow...2009! I hope that everyone has a new year that is full of prosperity, good will, love and friendship! Good Bye 2008, Hello 2009!!! Happy New Year!!!